Good things about Cross-country skiing
By Andrew Smith

When it comes to winter fun, there's nothing like cross-country skiing. Well, almost nothing like it. I guess if you strapped a couple old anvils to your boots and tried to jog through the woods blindfolded that would be sort of like cross-country skiing, except you wouldn't run into the trees as hard.

That's a plus. But on the other hand, a pair of anvils doesn't look nearly as cool as a pair of skis does on top of your car. And getting them up there is a chore. Don't even try it if you've got a convertible.

One thing I like about cross-country skiing, also known as uphill skiing, is that there are no lift tickets. Here's why. The purpose of a lift ticket is so you can sit on this big chair thing and be whisked away to the top of the mountain so you can have fun skiing back down it. But in cross-country skiing, you actually get to have fun by slowly and methodically skiing straight up the mountain. Boy, what'll they think of next! 80 grit toilet paper?

Another good thing about cross-country skiing is that the ski poles are dull enough to not go through your foot if you miss the snow. Every time I stab my foot with my ski poles I am grateful that I didn't get some fool notion in my head and sharpen the ends so I could spear mice while I slogged through the woods.

Because of these, and other, advantages, cross-country skiing is experiencing an unprecedented popularity these days. Several people have recently tried it, and one was rumored to have survived.

I think the reason cross-country is becoming so popular is because of its amazing versatility and low cost.

Compared to other forms of skiing, cross-country is the go-anywhere, do-anything, low-cost alternative. I mean, try water skiing uphill through the trees sometime. It's impossible! Well alright, I've done it once or twice by mistake, but it's really hard on the boat.

And a downhill skier can only go downhill! How practical is that? What if you get all the way to the bottom of some big hill and suddenly you have to go to the bathroom? Wanna bet where the bathrooms are at? Not at the bottom of the hill!

Yup, cross-country skiing pretty much adds up to non-stop fun. The fun part comes when you finally, after hours of lung bursting effort, flounder to the top of some mountain, find the bathroom, and get to ski down the other side. The non-stop part comes about halfway down the other side, when you're going way, way too fast, and you realize that you really can't stop.

Contrary to popular belief though, it is possible to stop on a pair of cross-country skis. The method I use is to just aim myself at a very solid, immovable object, such as a barn, and then stop when I hit it. The only drawback to this method is that not every steep, dangerous mountainside has a barn on it.

An alternative method is to hit a tree. However, a tree is an awfully small target to hit, so always remember that all mountains have bottoms on them, and even if you miss every tree in the forest you will eventually end up all the way down at the bottom of the mountain. Then you can simply turn around and ski slowly all the way back to the top. And won't you be glad that you're not wearing your downhill skis then!

So, cross-country skiing is the go-anywhere, low-cost form of skiing for people who have to go to the bathroom. And after an exciting day in the snow on your cross-country skis, you'll still have enough money in your pockets to get out there on the dance floor and do the Macarena!

Just be sure to leave yourself room to turn, or your skis will knock over the other dancers.